2. The Fixer

I encourage you to spend some quiet time by yourself. Shut out the rest of the world and exist only in your own little world for awhile.

I have discovered something wonderful and amazing about these quiet times, which for me is around the midnight hour. Sometimes I share these precious moments with another member of the family, and then reflect in the solitude after they have gone to bed.

It is usually this time of night that I sit alone after making my rounds, checking to see that everyone is safely tucked into their beds. I turn out the lights, knowing the house is secure. I hear the soft strains of music from a radio someone has left on, but no other sound of .V. or talking. Quiet surrounds me, with an occasional bark from one of our two dogs.

It is during this time that I reflect on my life. I think about what I accomplished today toward my goals, where I made mistakes and how I can improve. I entertain new ideas, accept new challenges in my life and ask God what He thinks about these things.

I forgive myself for saying and doing things that I knew were wrong and ask God to forgive me. I ask Him for the strength to ask their forgiveness. If I said something to dampen a spirit or a brother or sister instead of uplifting it; if I discouraged instead of encouraged them; if what I said blocked their dreams or goals, I make amends.

Everyone can have this special time, just before going to sleep. Spend some time in reflection before or after kneeling to pray. It is important. Remember that prayer is you talking to God; the time of reflection or meditation is the opportunity for God to talk to you.

During this time, you may laugh or you may cry as you get in touch with the joys and hurts you feel. You may be feeling sorry for yourself. Evaluate the situation, and make new determinations for tomorrow. This is the time to see clearly what is going on in your life.

It was during this time of reflection one night that the thought of Dennis, one of our members, came to me after I had shared my feelings with other family members. “How can I reach him?” The question was there within me. How could I get him to listen, to trust me, someone who really cares about him? It was then that God gave me the answer, which I call “the fixer”.

Dennis is a “fixer”. He takes things apart and puts them back together, sometimes better than before. As Brian would say, “My daddy can fix anything – well, almost anything!” But he can’t fix himself. No one can fix themselves. We must depend upon others to help us!

This is the way God meant for us to learn trust. At some time in our lives, we have to trust someone. We actually trust people all the time. Think about it. We trust cooks in fast food places; we trust druggists; we even trust the drivers of our cars with our lives every day.

Dennis is an expert in his field. When he advises us about a car or an appliance, he is sure of himself. For some reason, we often don’t listen as he begs us to do something about a situation. We ask for a second opinion. He will exclaim. “Trust me! I know what I am talking about! I have the experience in putting things together. I have read the manuals and gone through trial and error. Please don’t drive that car, even to the corner.”

But we don’t listen. We get in the car and off we go, thinking we know more than the expert. The car stalls at the first light. Too late: we should have listened. It could have saved time and money, not to mention inconvenience.
Listen to others. Use the knowledge they have to offer and wish to share. Otherwise, be prepared to pay the consequences. Dennis knew the warning signs, even though they seemed minor to others. He knew what would happen, even though we could not see it.

A doctor who deals with our physical well being warns us through his knowledge of the human body. Stay away from certain foods, he will say. We respond by saying that “just a little” won’t hurt. But it’s never just a little. Before you know it, we are paying the price of not listening to his advice by ill health or perhaps even death. Is it worth not listening just to prove a point?

Dennis has learned to work with inanimate objects. I have learned to put human beings back together emotionally. I have studied human nature for years. I have read books and have experience in helping other people in this area. I know what makes the emotional part of the person work. I can help take the emotions apart and put them back together, sometimes better than before.

Some of us come out as lemons. We must be treated in a special way for the rest of our lives. Dennis knows what a lemon is. It must be treated differently if it is to be used in the best way. We don’t know why a lemon is a lemon; it grows up that way.

We don not know why some of us are lemons, but we do know that trusting and believing in ourselves can make lemonade out of lemons. It’s like adding a little sugar and water. Sugar is someone who truly loves you; water comes from the living well that never runs dry – from Jesus.

How can I make Dennis understand that just as he asks me to trust him about inanimate things he knows about, so he needs to trust me in that which I know about – life.

Why don’t we listen? We want to do it “our way”. There is nothing wrong with this idea except that we are doing it our way for all the wrong reasons. We are stubborn. We feel we need to prove ourselves. We are selfish, not thinking or caring about who we hurt. We are afraid of success. We don’t like being us. We want to be someone we are not. We want to be like someone else. We don’t want to face our shortcomings. We don’t want to be a “lemon”.

We need to become willing to change. You can believe in your friends, but know their motives for wanting to help you. Why does Dennis want to help us by warning us of what will happen if we don’t listen to him? If it were just his job, we wouldn’t listen. When it is out of love and concern, we usually will listen.

If it were “just my job” to lead and guide you and to warn you, then I wouldn’t necessarily expect you to listen. But if you know I love you and have proved it in many ways, then please listen to what I say. If my love is selfish and you see I just want control over you, then don’t listen, because my motives are not right. Be sure to check your own motives, too. In any event, give yourself the benefit of the doubt. If you are sure of yourself, then you don’t have to worry about anyone changing your mind.

Most of us are afraid that someone else is controlling our lives. We feel we are prisoners of another person’s ideas, suggestions, directions and decisions. Here are a few telltale signs of a person who want to (or already has begun to) control your life:

1. They don’t allow you to give your opinion about your concerns and your life.2. They always doubt or put doubt in your mind about your decisions3. They constantly remind you that you owe them something (e.g. your life) putting you on a guilt trip.4. They must be a part of all y9our plans and decisions, to the point of getting angry of you don’t accept their suggestions.5. They purposely hold you back from progress and opportunities in your life.6. They constantly remind you of your past and what you have done, as a “whipping post” in your life.

7. They insist on doing everything for you, not teaching you responsibility; and then complain that you don’t know how to be responsible.

Don’t confuse “control” with “discipline.” As a disciplinarian, I insist that you are responsible for your actions; that you follow through on your commitments and on your word, and that you show respect.
If you are disciplined, respectful, responsible and committed, you will be successful. Each of these will teach you character, will mold you and prepare you for your future, and will help you maintain success in your life.